Stepping Into Your Full Feminine Power By Becoming the Non-Conformist {In A World That Demands Compliance, Obedience, and Acquiescence From The Feminine}
The world is constantly trying to control people - their minds, their beliefs, through religion, through business, money, politics, corruption and capitalist structures.
The world has also tried to make the feminine conform over the centuries as well - the feminine has been conditioned to comply, obey, and acquiesce—whether through cultural norms, religious doctrines, or societal expectations. Women were expected to be pleasing, accommodating, nurturing, and deferential to men and masculine-influenced society. When the feminine speaks out, says no, or tries to change the system, she is often met with punishment, exile from social hierarchies, or demonization.
We are facing the crumbling of the old order, the old world of unhealthy masculine dominated, controlling, ruthless regimes and hierarchies, and systems that run on conformity and narrow ways of behaving.
So how as women do we become the kinds of women that don’t follow society’s rulebook? How do we become non-conformists? How do we become the non-compliant, non-obedient woman who refuses to acquiesce?
A woman in her full feminine expression refuses to play by these rules. She does not submit to roles imposed upon her, nor does she seek permission to exist in her full power. Instead, she redefines femininity on her own terms - she doesn’t conform to what society deems as feminine and instead decides for herself, stepping into her self-sovereignty.
How to become the non-conformist:
Seeking validation from others, especially men, is a thing of the past
Not conforming to society’s standards also means first finding our validation from within. We must become the women who don’t need a partner to make us feel whole, because we are creating wholeness within ourselves first. Others can validate us, but we are constantly validating ourselves and giving ourselves what we need, so that we are whole on our own and not seeking to be filled by another person.
Our confidence cannot come from the external validation of others, and of men.
Seeking validation to fulfill ourselves moves us towards conformity, not away from it. Our confidence and self-worth must come from a deep, internal understanding of who we are. Our security must come from ourselves, and our inner work, not a man.
Changing our definition of loyalty in a relationship
For many conformist women, loyalty means giving up everything for a relationship. For others, it means compromising their needs in order to keep a man, or to keep him attached to her in a relationship.
For the non-conformist woman, loyalty means choosing our partner everyday but never loosing ourselves in the process.
We can be fiercely devoted and give our love fully, so long as we are not expected to be compliant or obedient; so long as there is not a hierarchy of a man over or above us, making our decisions for us. Our independence must be respected and prized.
Our love is not too much. It is rare. Our love is a gift, not an obligation. We choose to partner with a man because we are treated with love and respect.
Non-conformist women:
Will not accept being manipulated or controlled
Will not be forced into a role that is not true to ourselves and a role of our choosing
Will not sacrifice our dreams for anyone else, and certainly not for anyone who cannot handle our wildness and our individuality.
Refusing to follow society’s expectations, but instead live according to our own wisdom, intuitions, rhythms, and cycles
As feminine women, we have our own rhythms and intuitions. When we allow masculine dominated society to tell us what to believe and how to behave through conformity, our rhythms, intuition and feminine wisdom dull and diminish over time. This is what masculine dominated society wants. They want co-dependent, weak women who do not show up in their full power, because we are more compliant this way.
In order to remain wild and free as non-conformists with minds of our own that are not being shaped and controlled by society, we must remain true to ourselves as women, embrace slowing down, and come home to our wisdom, rhythms, intuition, and cycles.
Break free from society’s rigid blueprint for how we “should behave” in relationships
Most of our relationships operate in unhealthy dualities:
Either we are submissive (the wounded feminine) or dominant (the distorted feminine)
We either follow (the wounded feminine) or we lead (the distorted feminine)
We either let our partners take control (the wounded feminine) or we take control ourselves (the distorted feminine)
As the non-conformist, we realize we do not have to fit into either of those roles. We can exist as our authentic feminine selves and refuse to force ourselves in roles that were not meant for us - instead we can be both.
These two categories exist because society loves compliance and predictability. The unhealthy masculine feels secure when he can put us into a box or a category.
The truth is, the feminine is neither submissive nor dominant. She can be both at any time. The healthy feminine doesn’t obey, but she also doesn’t control. She doesn’t submit, but she also doesn’t seek power over anyone else.
People are terrified by women who do not fit into categories because they don’t know how to control free-thinking, awakened, independent, emotionally healthy and whole feminine women.
Society can’t dominate non-conformist women because they do not respond to control. Society can’t make non-conformist women submit because they to shrink themselves.
Chasing is a sign of desperation
Non-conformist women do not chase - they don’t chase men, love, validation, recognition, or connection. They attract all of those things, but they never chase after it. Chasing is for “pick me,” desperate women who are not emotionally whole.
Society teaches women to chase in order to keep women focused on putting a man first, instead of putting themselves first. Men move from the profane to their divine masculine when they give up a sense of self. Women move into their divine feminine when they get a sense of self.
A few other characteristics of becoming the non-conformist:
Focus on depth over the superficial
The superficial will keep you stuck in what others deem as “the best” or what’s most important. Depth happens when we go into the underworld of our own psyches, confront the difficult things, and know ourselves - both the good and the bad - deeply and with complete love and care.
Eliminate black and white thinking from your mindset
Life happens in shades of grey, not in absolutes. Black and white thinking is a cognitive distortion that causes people to see something as either all good or all bad and does not allow them to see the nuances of life or problems in their lives.
Thrive in independence
Being a woman who is independent does not mean you forgo intimacy, closeness, or relationships. It does mean that you do not give up everything for a relationship. You remain one unto yourself with your own goals, desires, successes, hobbies, friends and interests. This does not mean that these areas of your life will not overlap or include your partner - they will - but you hold onto your own identity throughout the relationship, rather than conforming to the needs of another person.
Do your own research
Don’t believe or trust anything or anyone else’s opinions without researching and coming to your own conclusions.
Be open to being wrong
Be open to needing to change your mind, your opinion, your beliefs, and your old stories. Sometimes a new experience or new information means that we must correct our once accurate but now inaccurate
Cultivate a learning brain vs a survival brain
A learning brain is one that is able to take in new information/ideas and that you're able to move throughout your day without much issue. The survival brain is what happens when you feel mentally and/or emotionally overwhelmed. You are not able to take in new information/ideas. Moving throughout your day is challenging and difficult.
Refuse to settle
Settling for a life or a man that is not what you absolutely desire is a form of conformity.
Create mystery
Women who refuse to conform are selective about what and to whom they share information with. When they so share, it is because the person has earned her trust.
Build your life, don’t compete with others
One of the ways masculine-dominated society keeps women in line is by teaching them as little girls to compete with each other. When they are competing against other women, they are not competing against men. When they are focused on competition, they do not use their natural instincts and intuition towards connection and fostering supportive environments, which allows women to thrive, succeed, and become independent.
Focus on your purpose, not approval
When you know your purpose at this time (your purpose can change throughout your life, it is not stagnant), then you are not seeking the approval of others because you are focused on what is meaningful and fulfilling to you. Approval seeking is conformity. Purpose seeking is non-conformity.
Hi, I’m Allison
Writer, teacher, guide, podcast host, and founder of Create Love Freedom, an online space for women to reclaim their feminine, heal, transform, and come home to their feminine energy, feminine power, and feminine radiance.
If you are a woman wanting to heal your past wounds and trauma, deepen into your feminine being, slow down, authentically know yourself, let go of societal conditioning, create the relationships and connections you desire, and to become the woman you want to be, you are in the right place.
